The Pressures of Being 30

So Feb 21st was my 30th B-day, and if I didn't have enough to worry about such as not being where I thought I would be at 30. For example; Not having a relationship, not having children, a husband a career, a place of my own. All these things I have been thinking about since I finished school last March. Like as soon as my Bday approached it seems like there was a microscope on me to get certain aspects of my life lined up. Of course the focus wasn't on the things I thought were important to make happen; job, money, apt. But there was more a focus on when I was going to start having children. Why isn't there any consideration for what I may have been feeling at that time? No one stopped in their tracks like "Maybe Koya already is feeling some type of way maybe I shouldn't bring it up, maybe I should be sensitive and make sure my concerns come off like an actual concern instead of a ticking time bomb". No that would be too much like right. Its crazy like every where I turned someone was asking me these questions that came out more like accusations. "When are you gonna start making babies?" "When are you gonna find a man?" "You know that you are about to be 30, what are you waiting for?" All of these questions were being circulated by friends (who are not married but have children) or by family members who I thought would have wanted me to take the right path. It was all very confusing. I was raised and still believe in traditional families. I want the marriage and the kids in that order. My family also raised us to make sure we were educated and found a career that we love. SO Yes I am a bit of a late bloomer but for those of you who know me very well know that I am a late bloomer in all aspects of my life.

I didn't even know how to answer these questions. I don't have a man because the men that I had something with didn't want the same things that I wanted, no I didn't always know this when I started dating them, but that's just how it went down. The one person I thought was a good candidate let me down. So I have completely cleared my roster. The problem isn't me and my issues, GOD just hasn't revealed the man that he has prepared for me, and for good reason because I have so many things that I need to do for myself before I get into the type of relationship that will lead to a family. It started to become very frustrating because it felt like the people who always wanted me to do it the right way were now like just get on it, get a man you like and have a baby. I was so shocked I didn't even know how to respond anymore. Like everything I was taught to believe in didn't matter because I was 30. Is 30 really that old, it takes a sec to make a baby, Yes I am very worried about being a old first time mother. But I believe that if I hold my ground and work on me, my career, being independent that things will line up accordingly.

Then it was like because I don't already have children then I must not want any at all. Its amazing to me that everyone was so quick to be like well since you are too old to have kids you can just be a great Aunt when your brother or sister have children. WOW! I am already being branded an  "OLD MAID" at 30. See what people don't get is that women are having kids a lot older then they used to, I am not saying there cant be complications but I am very hopeful that when the time is right it will happen for me, I don't need to go out and chase the magic sperm before my eggs dry up...lol. I don't feel I need to settle and just make it happen with someone I "like". That is not OK to me. I have a lot of friends who have children who are no longer with the father of their kids, or have gotten married and it didn't work out. I don't want that, it may work for you but that is not the type of situation I want to be in. Do I want children? Absolutely!!! More than anything I want kids, Always have. But I have a choice, and my choice is to bring a baby into a healthy family environment. I told my mom and sis that my life wouldn't be complete without a family. I would be devastated if I didn't have at least one child. But I don't want to do it alone, and I cant assume that a man I'm dating will be there for me and a baby. There is no guarantee either way but I would like to try to do it the right way. There are so many things I have done, and currently doing that don't really line up to the things I know GOD would want me to do, and I am trying to get that right, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to just throw all my beliefs out the window because I'm 30.

LMAO...These are my priorities. Yes a husband and kids are on the list but not before I get all that in order.

Is it my fault that the men I chose to give my heart to ended up, deceiving me, or revealing they weren't who I thought they were, or breaking my heart. Maybe some of it is my fault, they might be who I am attracting but I give 100% to the person I choose to love and I eventually realize they are giving me 50% or less to me before I get out of the situation. So I am also working on what I am exuding to these men, and I am not dealing with the Bullshit I have in the past.

So does 30 make you DEAD? I know that my friends and family meant well, I know they are concerned for different reasons, but I don't need you to bring an issue to my attention when I wake up everyday like WTF this is not where I wanna be. And I feel like they should want more for me, but all they see is the clock. I have decided that I will not compromise my belief system, for a CLOCK.

I'm 30, I love where I know I'm headed and what's in store for me. :)

So I cant wait for your feedback it would be great to get some dialog going because I know I am not the only one who feels this way.

Thanks for chiming in!!!!!